Bland, white walls, green floors, 3m by 4…
It has become a home of sorts, and I live here for your protection,
Today will be my 180th day in this place.
Some days I am proud of the man in my reflection.
I see a man who is full of life, and full of passion,
a man that makes light of this heavy situation,
and one who lights the darkness to search for inspiration.
His head held high, not being a slave to this condition,
not allowing it to affect him, he’s occupied by distraction,
he’ll never be a victim of a microscopic faction,
who’s microscopic actions, cause these massive global repercussions.
Every little action in our lives, will result in a reaction,
Sometimes an addition will result in a subtraction,
The addition of strength right now, is a protection mechanism,
to subtract from his fear, and turn it into optimism.
..and the tiniest of ripples can become a tidal wave,
The softest of whispers can take him away.
But when the flights of fantasy finally wear off,
he finds himself back in this room where he left off.
Today in this mirror, there’s a man I don’t recognize,
he’s a boy wearing the body of a man for a disguise,
this is a boy for whom I can’t help, but sympathize,
for it’s the apparent strength of mine, on which this poor boy relies.
And these eyes in the mirror that stare back at me,
no longer offer the strength and comfort I long to see,
just a patient, a broken spirit, longing for sympathy,
someone to save me from sinking in self pity.
But too proud to accept pity, and not wanting weakness to be seen,
I’ll wrap myself up in an artificial well-being,
cause it’s better than seeing myself as a weak human being,
so I’ll keep smiling and just keep on agreeing…
That everything’s okay and that I’m feeling fine.
Cause I know that there are hundreds of thousands left to die,
who don’t even get themselves the right to a medical file,
or see a doctor, see a nurse, see anyone, and meanwhile….
I can choose to be a victim, cursed from the beginning,
or can face up to fear, and do all my own forgiving,
for all the risks I have taken, and the mistakes that I have made,
and for the errors of our brothers and sisters of yesterday.
Because the earth will still continue in its destined revolutions,
and us quick little humans will pursue the fastest solutions,
and mark tiny ticks on paper, next to massive global problems,
and create some new illusion, instead of just solving them.
That’s the train of thought that may keep me up tonight,
but I refuse to lose sight of the battle I have to fight,
and in my own little victory, I will win myself the right,
to see a man in the mirror, not a boy that hides inside.
And my pride has been enough to add light to this place,
and remind me of dreams that I’m still yet to chase,
I’ll embrace new life at the end of this race.
Today in my world, I met myself face to face…
Copyright © Christiaan Van Vuuren 2010
